thank you so much, anonymous!!!! look, i love handers, and it’s not a modern handers au unless our lads are falling for each other hard and fast with the worst pick up lines known to humanity.
wait did i say modern au? i meant canon.
“at least he got a hot body”
– The Champion of Kirkwall, 9:22 Dragon
other pick-up lines used by hawke successfully, in various universes:
“was your dad made out of fossilized urine and drakestone because you are da bomb”
“good morning”
“no wonder the sky is red with soot, ash and the remnants of exploded nuns today, all the blue is in your eyes.”
“i like cats”
“let’s commit the perfect crime: i’ll steal your heart, you’ll steal mine, and then we’ll score a collaborative 3-figure body count and go on the run across thedas together with nothing but my dog. <3″
“what’s your name?”
“if i could rearrange the alphabet, i’d put ‘r’ next to ‘e’. then ‘v’, then ‘o’, ‘l’, u’ -”
“my name is hawke.”
“if i said you had a nice body, would you overthrow the theocracy with it?”
“i’m sorry about your dead ex-boyfriend”
“i think you dropped something there on the floor, just there – your standards.” *winks*
“that explains your sexy, tortured look.”
“Baby, you put the REVOLUTION back in LOVE.” *winks heavily*
“…I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work that way… ‘revolution’ has more letters than –”
“Anders. Babe. I’ve read your manifesto. You don’t have much of a leg to stand on when it comes to correcting spelling”
Queer Fortress 